A few years ago I had a girlfriend who I was very fond of, and as we parted for Christmas we exchanged reading matter. I gave her a copy of Timequake
A few weeks later, the relationship would come to a crushing end – but at least I didn’t have to read any Flannery O’Connor.
I can’t wack my dog during the day, so I’ve hired an angry under-employed person to come over and beat the crap out of it.
Famous Irish playwright Samuel Beckett has a science-fiction namesake: Doctor Sam Beckett, who leaps through time to set right what went wrong.
The above video is a joke about these two Samuel Becketts. In his later career, the playwright Beckett made some awesomely post-modern offbeat works, including a play that lasts for three seconds, and consists of a giant mouth sighing.
Every episode of Quantum Leap starts with Sam Beckett “leaping” into a new dramatic scene, where he says “oh boy” (such is the non-offensive nature of the show, even when faced with near-certain death Sam does not drop an f-bomb).
The video is a mere few seconds of a Samuel Beckett, wearily saying “oh boy”, and then roll credits. The humour comes from knowing that there are two Samuel Beckett’s being referred to in this video, leaving me with the problem that it’s a very obscure joke… I believe that it’s so obscure, I can depict the people who will find this funny using a venn diagram:
(SuperAmazingDoesItForYou video link)
After a morning spent tussling with installing, then uninstalling Zotero, I’ve finally had it with those instructional videos that software designers create. I think that nothing beats the written word for communication of information, but I’m consistently finding that complex software is being explained by the use of an instructional video.
And usually, that video sucks. Seriously, what’s up with programmers making videos? Are they bored of typing all day?
So, in the spirit of the age, here’s a video for my new, forthcoming product, SuperAmazingDoesItForYou. I haven’t actually got round to writing any of it yet, but I’ll let you know as soon as I do.
In my teenage years, I had a big comic habit (graciously funded by my parents). It all started with the Silver Surfer double-issue where the Kree-Skrull war kicked off, on a holiday in Saffron Walden. I can’t remember the year it was, but it was before my reading speed kicked into the ludicrously high speed it is now, and those 60-odd pages of space battles and cosmic forces made me want to read more comics.
Fast-forward to today, where myself and Brian dragged ourselves to the Newcastle SciFi, Comic and Card Fair, run by these folks. And it kind of sucked, because there wasn’t any SciFi, just comics and cards. But it had cost a pound to get in, so I forced Brian to root around in the comic sections, and whilst he was suspiciously eyeing the covers of Witchbreed I was reminiscing about when comics used to be good.
Warren Ellis’s comics commentary column Come in Alone
(Webcomics are where it’s at. Shhh! Don’t tell the capitalists.)
But coming across a stash of old Silver Surfer comics, I had to buy them. For starters, they were only 50p each! So I ended up buying a few comics from before the Kree-Skrull war, setting the scene on a galactic scale. We are introduced to a number of different races, such as the Celestials, a race of… really big people.
Above: He’s just standing there, and I can see right up his…
The green guys are Skrulls. I like the fact that the tubby green Marlon Brando feels he can’t stand the site of this monster anymore. Okay, I might have been thinking “monster what?”, but that’s a little crude. And how do you think talking to the enormous city-high man goes?
Oh-fecking-really, Kylor – a giant green bloke comes and stands over your city, and there’s nothing you can do? You’re lucky you don’t have a week of ‘special yellow rain’ forecast, especially after you tried to nuke him. And – point of order here – didn’t you just try and nuke him right over your own city? Kylor, you’re an asshole.
This is also a good time to point out the fantastic colour process used in late 1980′s comics. I’m not an expert, but you are seeing a really restricted palette put to a great use here, with overlaying tones of less than sympathetic colours really popping out. I actually get quite excited by this sort of print quality. Also notice that the paper is all yellowed with age; I could have auto-corrected that in with the scanning process, but I feel that it adds a little to the reading of the media.
After Kylor and his Conservative-style mismanagement of local politics, there is a few other plotlines that are in these issues of the Silver Surfer. The big one is the Surfer’s “friendship” with Mantis, a green lady who flies through space wearing an improbable suit. Why would she hang out with a shiney silver man in space, who constantly talks about his ex-boss all the time, and how his ex-boss exiled him to Earth?
Oh, she likes him.
I have to admit, on reading that frame I was thinking “my God, somebody even worse at dating than I am!” – after all, he’s got the hot green girl in the stripper outfit saying nice things to him, but he’s all “yeah, it’s been a long time, and I’ve only kissed that other girl three times…” He should probably be clear that he’s got a thing for Shalla Bal, but – hey – who knows how long it’s been for our Surfer? It could be a long time. He doesn’t have a crotch.
He’s so emo.
Surfer, she’s practically putting it on a plate for you there. Plus, catch that little Saigon reference? You might think she’s subtly trying to tell the Silver Emo that he’s got Prospects, but then she drops that next line quite casually. Well, she is dressed like a stripper, mind.
Later on in this issue, the Surfer’s courtin’ is interupted by this lunk-headed dick. His backstory is that he’s immortal because he’s the last one of his race (apparently, the universe preserves the last one of a sentient race in the world of Marvel), but he used a cheat code – he slaughtered the rest of his species.
Nice.
Rather than judge his actions, the Silver Surfer uses the mighty Cosmic Power imbued in him to remove the weapons lunk-head (I can’t find his name, and I can’t be bothered to look it up) had implanted in his body. So after five billion years of killing people, he didn’t ever take some time out and grab a hobby? It was just kill kill kill? Whatever.
This is still a Marvel comic, so after having a fight they declare the issue over and move onto issue 6. This starts with a great one-page drawing of space – termed a splash page in print terminology. Here:
The thing about these splash pages is that you tend to find them at the start of the comic book. I suspect this is both for dramatic input and for the fact that they would have time to draw this stuff at the start of the monthly schedule for the comic book. But forget all that – lasers! Pew pew pew! Burning things! Explosions! Wow!
Oddly enough, for an issue titled “War”, that’s not what the Surfer gets up to in this installment. But before we find our Space Emo sitting outside Boots with his Space Goth Girlfriend, there is a slight bit of backstory to get through:
In todays world of comics, the above would be a quick dash through the plug-ins section of Photoshop, but the illustrative team of Rogers and Rubenstein have really pulled out the stops with this splash page. There’s stippling and all sorts – man, that must have taken them ages! But it’s so cool I wouldn’t really mind if the last page was just a picture of some stick men saying “we’ll be back next week”.
I’m telling you, this is the sort of stuff you don’t find in today’s comics. The combination of old-school graft and limited printing techniques means that some real special knowledge went into this image. Appreciate it, because in our realm of pixel-perfect Blue-Ray DVDs, we often lose sight of how hard it is to craft something beautiful.
Surfer also finds it hard to recognise when something beautiful is infront of him. Seriously, he has got to be the worst date ever – “But I’m pledged to somebody else!” Thankfully, our girl Mantis is a little bit more forward. Plus, to be honest, I think Surfer might be her lift home – she’s got the power of plants or something, which isn’t that nifty in the infinite void of space.
So, after the romantic kiss, what next? Why, what else but SPACE NOOKIE!
So, one things puzzling me here: are they just going off for an extended hug in the asteroid belt, because the Surfer doesn’t have any bits. He does have a Cosmic Power (or possibly a Power Cosmic) which might come in useful here. But we don’t see that – this isn’t something from the pages of Heavy Metal. It’s straight to the afterglow for us readers.
I don’t quite understand what he’s saying that’s so romantic she wants to kiss him – “hey, if you weren’t around, I’d still be pining for that girl who only kissed me three times”. Hmm. Well, maybe she has a thing for surfers.
But wait, what’s that? Does that last panel depict the sound of a cosmic voice-mail being delivered?
Oooh, mean! Mantis, he’s going to leave you with some plants and then get back to his other honey. That’s low, and don’t be making all lovey-dovey eyes behind his back – it’s quite clear that the Surfer got his oats and then just pissed off. But, y’know, he’s just so darned noble about the whole thing. “Hey babe, I’ll call you after saving all of reality. Missing you already, ciao.”
I hope this brief breeze through some of the Surfer’s classic period in the 1980′s has been interesting for you. I don’t think this period is collected anywhere, but the good news is that these comics only cost me 50p each. You could totally clean up before all the other cool kids get in on this.
Disclaimer: It’s quite obvious that I’m not claiming ownership of any of the artwork or characters above, and that I’m using them for review purposes.
Noah: “So there was this Chinese guy who had the new iPhone, and then he lost it, so he killed himself.”
Andy: “Yeah, it’s that whole ninja code of honour thing”
Me: “Wait! IPhones are made by ninjas?”
Until earlier this week I had a dream of running away to Buenos Aires, but even the foreign office advises against that now. In that case, perhaps the traditional thing to do would be join the foreign legion. Perhaps they have an artist’s squadron I could join, where I can sit around drinking espressos and smoking gaulette’s with fine-honed military precision, drilled into me by fierce sculptor-sergeants.
I like the internet. Currently, it would be fair to say that I like the internet more than the work I’m supposed to be doing. Which, by the way, is an annoying piece of text to say that I’m the best person in the world to give AHRC funding to. I mentioned to my mother that I was writing the application, and that I wished they could just look me up in the big database of excellent people, and she emailed me back –
… there’s something wrong with the database. When asked to sort on the excellence indicator, the database somehow does not come up with H’s. It must be written in Microsoft Access.
That’s right; my mum makes database jokes. That makes her 100% cooler than your mum. However, she’s not as cool as Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, who taught himself to speak after a terrible illness. And he wrote this, after some poor schmuck got fired for posting up a Dilbert strip at his work. Which is a great way to reward his faithful readers, even if the guy in question might have preferred some cash.
Thank god the internet isn’t just a balls-to-the-wall whose-the-coolest competition. I’d lose. In these days of constant distraction it seems the internet is usually best at meme creation, which leads me Colin’s Bear:
Colin’s Bear is something that is so far from the norm that you have to laugh. And then click the button for ‘replay’. But wtf is going on? Waxy.org’s founder went and found out for us, so we didn’t have to. Phew. Other places to find internet memes are sites like ytmnd.com, which I’ve stopped looking at, Digg.com which I only look at when I’m trying to avoid doing work, and the amazing icanhascheezburger.com.
Strictly speaking, icanhascheezburger only documents the lolcat phenomenon of late 2007/early 2008. Lolcats are something you should get if I regard you as a friend, but I do know at least two extremely intelligent people who are not moved by them. I don’t hold it against them, it’s probably something like colourblindness. But with cats. Let’s test you, huh?
Did you laugh? If you find the use of incorrect spelling funny when juxtaposed with the unusual picture of a cat, then you might be interested in this picture, which is a more typical picture of a ‘lolcat’ -
The use of language to present itself as something a bit stupid, but actually using sophisticated humour, can be extended indefinitely. There exist a large number of lolcat spin-off’s, including lolpresident, the deeply nerdy lolthulhu, and loltrek. Loltrek is great, and it really tickles my funnybone to see original series Star Trek anyway, so this is a highlight of internet humour for me. Loltrek also links to Anil Dash’s scholarly interpretation of the lolcat meme, which brings us back to where we came in – academia.
So let’s talk Trek instead. Some people like to accuse me of being a ‘trekkie’, which is to say, a huge fan of Star Trek. Actually, I’m a huge sci-fi fan, and I don’t like reading books unless it has a spaceship on the front. Or nanotechnology. Or giant robots. Hell, I’d read a book which just had those things on the front, even if it was a romance. But I do know the plotlines to most of the Star Trek episodes from the 1990′s, as they were some of the only science fiction that was on during the daytime. And I do love science fiction.
I don’t, however, love Star Trek’s stupid ideas of peace and love in the future. I recently read that The Next Generation was pretty much California in space, as everybody got on really well and was totally fine with talking out any problems. Obviously a big fat load of hairy space bollocks dreamed up by Americans befuddled by enormous sections of food. Which is why I was so happy to find that somebody had dubbed over sections of Star Trek California really, really carefully with the effect of turning the crew into potty-mouthed, food-obsessed sex-fiends.
At the moment, I don’t have any TV. The flatmate who had the television addiction (Eastenders, Hollyoaks, and other mindless rot) moved out, taking her cable subscription with her. We then found out that the ariel socket in the living room is not connected to an ariel, it’s just a hole in the wall. So, as a household, we just stopped watching television, which is not a great loss as the BBC seems to be devoted to only making one good serial per year, which function at a level of lowest common denominator.
(Translation: the new Doctor Who show is facile crap. And Torchwood is utterly pointless – read the reviews.)
This has turned into a massive post, and I hope it’s managed to tickle your funnybone a bit. I didn’t have time to mention this picture, which I should have, or the song ‘Re: Your Brains“, but I’ll leave you with somebody who regularly posts up a computer game review. Check it out:
I’m off to watch his most recent effort at Escapist Magazine, even though I only play about four computer games a month. After that, I’m going to sneak back into bed and pretend that I just popped out to get another pillow, not write an enormous blogpost that rambled on for ages.
